After the nightmare tacos that I suffered through two nights prior, we decided to try Tequila Vallarta just down the street from El Quijote. The Lonely Planet guide says the guy that owns this place is actually from PV, Mexico – so it must be pretty good…..right?So we go in, sit down in the hacienda courtyard and are instantly attacked by mosquitoes, we thought ok, let’s sit inside…..holy crap, there are even more mosquitoes there – so we opted to sit at one of the tables outside (in front) where we knew we would be continually harassed by beggars and street kids selling gum, cigarettes, cashews and whistles – but it was breezy there and no skeeters – so it was ok. We bought some cashews from a little muchacho we knew from previous cashew shopping (harassment), who was a very smooth operator at 6 years old.
Even though we did not sit inside I can comment on the atmosphere of the place……well, there isn’t one. Tequila Vallarta is located in a very cool historic building, however absolutely zero thought was put into making this place inviting so you would want to stay for just “one more margarita” - it was actually pretty depressing. Maybe they are still recovering from the last earthquake….or volcanic eruption…..or political uprising, I don’t know but the place made me think there were no decent tacos comin’ my way.
I gotta give credit to these guys for at least trying (unlike the TR#14). I had three choices of tacos: 1) pollo, 2) carne asada and 3) chorizo…….or THE COMBO! Word – I’m only here once in my life “gimmie the COMBO”. Well, I later found out that when they say “combo” that means they combine all the meats into each taco – not really what I had in mind, but whatever.
The torts were of the “gordita” type and although not typical were still good and resisted tort-bustage until at least two-thirds completion. The “meats” were pretty good but having them all mixed together was a little weird. The side of beans were actually very good (not completely blended to a paste - even though it was only 2 tablespoons’ worth) and the rice was incredibly weak a served up in a stupid conical shape (trying too hard) – not even a pinch of chile and then there some so-so guacamole.
Toppings: cilantro and onions (which I could have done without).
Overall, these were the best tacos I’ve had south of the border, which is not saying much - but at least some thought was put into everything and unfortunately the price reflected it – the entire plate was 100 Cordovas or like 5 bucks US. This is REALLY expensive for Nicaragua but hey, I guess it was worth it. When it comes to Mexican food, Costa Rica is a complete joke – as you will probably see in future reviews.
The Review:
Torts: 3.5/5.0 Not real ones but still good
Carnes: 3.5/5.0 Appeared to be good but all the flavors were mixed up
Sides: 3.0/5.0 Shitty rice but good beans but poor quantities
Atmosphere: 2.0/5.0 Made me want to kill myself or be killed by malaria (which we almost were!)
Price: 3.0/5.0 Expensive for what it was
Total 3.0/5.0 Nice try, but try a little harder
