Final Teaser

Taco Review #20 - Taco Taco Taqueria - Best Taco in Costa Rica Under my Nose

So ya, right there in my back yard (Monteverde, Costa Rica) is a taco stand that I've been avoiding for three reasons: 1) it's in (our) tourist town of Monteverde, so it's bound to be a rip-off, 2) the name: "Taco-Taco Taqueria" is about the stupidest name ever for a taco stand, and 3) it's right next door to Pension Santa Elena, which has a front porch that is usually oozing with chain smoking fake hippies.

So, there we are in town for some reason (probably buying beer) and we're jones'n for some food. Let's see, what are our choices......hmmm, overpriced beans and rice or overpriced and shitty pizza or "hey, what about the taco stand?"

So there we are ordering up tacos at Taco-Taco Taqueria - (veggie burrito for Jen) from a tica woman that is super grumpy from selling tacos in a cloud of patchouli gas wafting from next door and the fact that she's serving up "Mexican" food (Costa Ricans don't seem to like Mexicans - or any other Latinos for some reason). It's a true "stand" - like, it's on the street with no chairs or anything, just the curb. Jen orders it up - massive veggie burrito unlike anything ever witnessed south of California. I'm impressed already. I'm up and get it on with one pork and one beef, the frikin' Taco-Taco Taqueria taco sampler platter. Not cheap, two micro tacos ran me 1,600 Colones, which is about 3 bucks. All of it served up "to-go" style, wrapped in foil.

So we take to goods over and sit on the back of our truck....and....."crunch", hey - they are actually not too bad. Now, bare with me, this is Costa Rica. Crazy thing is, most people from the "north country" think tacos are like a staple food in all of Latin America - no, senior unfortunately, that is not the case. Finding a taco in Costa Rica is like trying to find haggus in Japan - it ain't easy. Anyway, back to the tacos: they were wrapped up in flour torts which were just ok, store bought, gummy and cold - however the taco guts were actually ok. Good slow-cooked, stewed meat, good greens (lettuce, no cilantro....boooo), pico, queso Monterico (the local "jack" cheese) and a splash of habenero salsa. Not great but decent........about as good as one can make at home.

The review:

The Meats: 4.0/5.0 (both pork and beef were pretty good)
The Torts: 2.0/5.0 (cold and sticks to your teeth, you know the kind)
The Place: 2.0/5.0 (lame name and not worth the price)
The People: 2.0/5.0 (grumpy and hatin' life serving Mexican food to gringos - the shame!)
The Insides: 4.0/5.0 (crunchy, cheesy and a little spicy)

Overall: 2.8/5.0 (too bad for the price or I'd be back)

March Random 10

This Heat - Deceit

Nirvana - Breed

Dan Bern - Suicide Room

Titus Andronicus - Fear and Loathing

Asobi Seksu - Red Sea

Camera Obscura - Modern Girl

BlueBirdSky - Lovely Loop

Neko Case - Honky Tonk Hiccups

Sarah Dougher - Hold the Bar

Blockhead - You've got Maelstrom

Photo: Me "hangin" wit my pony

Da House is in Da House

So ya, we just bought this house in Portland (actually a bit south) - an old 1910 farmhouse totally remodeled in the town of Hubbard. Yes, that's right ya'll....this is THE "Hubbard" .....home to the Hubbard Hop Festival and yes, there will be a beer or two drunken.

Our last day here in Costa Rica will be April 26th, when we close up on the deal on the monkey house.....assuming all goes as planned and the torch-wielding Junta don't drive us out before then. So, there you have it. Come visit!

Electric Coyol Acid Test

Crackin' the seal on 2 liters of "Vino de Coyol".....Bring on your witchcraft bitches!

From Wikipedia: "Coyol wine is a fermented alcoholic beverage made from the sap of Coyol Palms. It is primarily made and consumed in many countries in Central America. In order to produce the wine, the trees are cut down and the sap is left to ferment in the sun. The result is a cloudy, milky white alcoholic beverage. Coyol wine is most commonly produced and sold by private vendors at roadside stalls in used plastic bottles.

The wine is unique in that it causes inebriation not primarily by it's alcohol content, but through its enzymatic action triggered when one drinks it and then receives significant sun exposure. It is well known that one can become inebriated in the evening, regain sobriety by the next day and then undergo inebriation again in the moring without even consuming more, mearly by being exposed to the sun again."

So, in the part of Costa Rica where we live, you can see people along the roadside selling this stuff in all sorts of crazy (certainly unsanitized) bottles. Finally one day we bought some to see what it's all about. So, for about $1.50 we bought 2 liters of this stuff. First thing we noticed is how damn fizzy it was.........I mean it was like out-of-control fizzy. If you didn't vent the bottle at least every 10 hours, you're looking at a SERIOUS explosion of Coyol jizz. At first drink, it's actually not too bad - like carbonated apple juice mixed with skim milk and about 50 Alka-Seltzer tablets.

In an effort to REALLY get the full effect without ending up in the hospital, I drank about 1 liter of this stuff and then sat out in the direct sun for about an hour. The drinking part gave me a buzz right away....maybe as strong as beer or a little less. Sitting in the sun, I fully expected complete inialation with halucinations, violent vomiting and head-body detachment/spinning. Unfortunately (and thankfully) none of this happened. In fact, the sun exposure did not seem to enhance the effect at all - this is factoring in that, by this point, I had moved on to beer and was feeling that on top of the Coyol. The next day I went for a long ride in the sun to test the residual inebriation claims....and.......damn! nothing still! Maybe I need to shoot this shit up or rub it on my nipples - whatever it is, I'm not doing it right.

I think maybe another (more controlled/much higher volume) test is in order.....so stay tuned for that.

Costa Rican Beer Review Dos - Pilsen 6.0

OK, well it seems like sort of a joke to review the various Costa Rican beers that one would typically find in the markets and restaraunts here.....and the reason for that is because they are ALL brewed by the same monopoly brewery (Cerveza Florida S.A) so, they almost all taste the same. The main labels (again, I won't call them "brands" since it's all the same company) are Imperial, Pilsen, Bavaria, and Heiniken (yes they brew their own sad sad version of "Heineys").

Most places in Costa Rica only sell Pilsen or Imperial (the more popular of the two). Just so you know - these two beers taste EXACTLY the same and it's damn pretty funny to listen to locals discuss (and argue) which one is better. Cracks me the-fuck-up!

So anyway, seeing a new beer on the shelves here in Costa Rica is pretty damn exciting - like it's Christmas something.

Recently I had been eye-ballin' the "new" Pilsen 6.0 on the supermarket shelves - a higher alcohol version of the original Pilsen at 5.2 percent. The boasting of a higher alcohol content and new bad-ass black and red label had me hooked from the start. (side note: The only reason I drink "regular" Pilsen [with a white and red label] over Imperial is solely based on the design of the label itself)............ In fact, the new lablel Pilsen 6.0 label is SO much more bad-ass than all the other beer labels here, I wasn't so sure they were going sell it to me unless I was wearing a crazy eye-patch, a worn out leather jacket and had a half-healed machete scar across my temple. (I pulled it off with my current appearance)

The strangest thing I noticed about this "edicion especial" Pilsen was that it was actually like 25 cents a bottle LESS than the normal Pilsen........Que-up? I don't know what's up with that, but think I can guess. You know, we used to brew in college and it's not real hard to make a beer stronger than it should be - either you fuck up a recipie (like we did often) or you do it on purpose (like we did often). I'm betting that it was a little of both for Cerveza Florida S.A. ........somebody botched the recipie one time, the jefe tasted it and thought "man, this has a bit too much flavor - I'll bet we can sell this shit to gringos!"....and then Pilsen 6.0 was born.

So what the hell does it tate like? Well, (no surprise here) just like the rest of the beers in Costa Rica. Virtually NO hops are used in the brewing process but yes, it DOES have a BIT stronger flavor than the 5.2 version. Then again, than cool black label might pulling some subliminal shit on my gringo ass. Still, it's not that great of a beer.......better than Bud or Coors Light? - yes, but not by much. Better than PBR in the bottle?........well now, that's just crazy talk.

To be fair - all of these beers are great to slam on a hot summer day, which we have a lot of those here!

Recent Riding Shots

These first three shots were taken on a ride Jen and I did a few weeks ago from Liberia to, at least near, the Santa Maria Sector Ranger Station at Rincon de la Vieja National Park. Ya, it's all road, but it was actually fairly interesting - most of the ride was on a welded volcanic tuff, so it was really like riding slickrock (but not nearly as fun). Unfortunatly this ride passes the county landfill part way up so you really need to hold your breath for at least 5 km - just frikin' nasty.

These next two shots are from a ride we did starting in Libano and going DOWN into the monster heat of the valley before turning around in Canas. It was hotter than hell that day and the few river crossing were nice! Jen did good on this hard ride.

The next three are taken on a ride a few days ago. These fine young lads showed me a new ride that, even though it lasted like 9 hours, should only be a 4-5 hour ride at most. Ticos like to take their time when they ride - stopping to chat, eat, gaze, whatever. A good view of Arenal Volcano that day and there was even a huge eruption while were were on this ride - unfortunately we were out of view of the mountain at that point - but it was louder than shit!

February Random 10

Quasi - Empty Words

MIA - Come Around

Mirah - Nobody has to Stay

Talking Heads - The Great Curve

Versus - Sunburned

The Faint - Ballad of a Paralyzed Citizen

The Clientele - My Own Face Inside the Trees

The Sea and Cake - Left on

Coldcut - More Beats and Pieces

Firehose - Toolin'

Public Service Announcement

Taco Review #18 and #19 - Two Terrible Tico Tacos

It's false advertising or something to put a sign out in front of your restaurant advertising all sorts of great tacos while in reality not coming through with the goods. Case in point: Taqueria la Rosina in Las Juntas, Costa Rica - I mean it's one thing to have a lame taco or two on your menu at a restaurant - but a place claiming to be a "taqueria" better not be jackin' me around......and they better have beer dammit. You can't just throw that "taqueria" name around like it's nothin' - I mean, what if there was a "strip club" and you paid to go in and there were no titties? Wouldn't you be upset?....now of course you would.

OK - so it's like 145 degrees out and we just got done doing a long ride - for the last hour of that ride I am seeing mirages of cold beers and tacos in the shimmering heat ahead of me. When we see Taqueria La Rosina it was like finding an oasis in the desert.

So we sit down on the front patio (nice) and the lady comes out (nice) and asks what we wanted to drink.........well, "dos cervezas por favor" (I'm thinking "oh man, that's gonna be good")........she replies "sorry senior, no cervezas aqui". OK, so right there is sufficient grounds for standing up, flipping over the table and walking out - but I stay calm. I mean, after all we are at our very first "taqueria" ever in Costa Rica. Half in tears, I order a horchata to drink.

We order off of the menu, that sure 'nuf has tacos on it - bunches of em. Jen orders the cheese tacos (only veggie option) and I get it on with an order of Tacos La Rosina Cerdo (pork). So there we are, waiting for our tacos while drinking something that is not a beer and out pops our order. Jens cheese tacos are a familiar sight: rolled and deep fried, taquito style with a 1000 island dressing for dipping. Mine come out as pile a (actually decent) meat with three corn torts, pico, tomatillo salsa and a bowl of tico beans.

So first the cheese tacos. Immediately, as anybody can see, this does not qualify as a taco as defined by International Taco Association (ITA) standard definition. It's rolled, so plain and simple - it aint' a taco. Also, 1000 island dressing is also not an ITA approved condiment. I'm thinking "what are these people thinking?" However, even though they were not "true" tacos they were a pretty tasty mostly because they were deep fried.....and as anybody can attest to, you could deep fry a turd and it would probably be pretty good. I did not try the dressing - it just looked stupid.

So, the pork tacos. The meat was pretty good, lean, ok spices and of sufficient quantity to fill three torts.........which brings me to the torts. Corn tortillas really need to be cooked by either steaming or frying....I guess unless they are made right then and served to you hot. The reason for this is that the tortilla molecules tend to lose their bonding strength if they are cool (unless fried). When this happens, the second you fold a tortilla it just rips in half, which really sucks when you fill a tortilla and need to fold it to make a taco. Anyway, so that's exactly what happened: taco filled with meat, and salsa....fold....and....RIP! I'll tell you, nothing pisses me off more.

The tacos came with a side of refried (tico style) beans, which means they are made with Salsa Linzano and are very sweet. I don't really care for the sweet beans, but in small quantities they are ok. The tacos also came with a side of chopped tomatoes (or maybe a very weak attempt at pico de gallo) and a side of tomatillo salsa, which was actually pretty tasty. Nothing on the plate had even a hint of spiciness and there was not a green veggie to be seen for miles. No cilantro, lettuce, jalepeno...nada.

The reviews:

Cheese Tacos with 1000 Island Dressing:

Do not really qualify as tacos, therefore not considered. If I ever start doing taquito reviews I'll consider them. I have to admit though, they were tasty.

Pork Tacos:

Meatiness: 4.0/5.0 (good meat, decent spices)

Torts 1.0/5.0 (torts that disintegrate on contact - not good)

Sides 2.5/5.0 (the beans and pico should thank the tomatillo salsa for this high score)

Beer 0.0/5.0 (a "taqueria" without beer is not a taqueria)

Atmosphere 3.0/5.0 (ok patio out front to watch the bums)

Overall Score 2.1/5.0 (pretty low score, but just to give em a fair shake, we'll go back to try some of the other tacos and next time we'll bring our own sack of beer)

Brian Eno - Paw Paw Negro Blowtorch

Loretta Lynn - Miss Being Mrs

Billy Bragg - Keep the Faith

Sufjan Stevens - John Wayne Gacy Jr

Telepopmisik - Love's Almighty

Grisby and Young - John Henry

David Bowie - All the Mad Men

Team Dresch - Take on Me

Beat Happening - Nancy Sin

TV on The Radio - Dreams

....and then there's this guy

Even the Chinese are getting into the whole RV thing

Jen, Bringin' the Heat

A few pics from Jen's first bike event. She kicked some serious Tico ass!!....and in true Sanders form, slammed a few beers afterwards.

It was a really hot day

some sort of creepy tin foil nativity scene
Jen hammered the river section leaving the others in her spray

....and yet another one of the Posse preparing for the Anticarmageddon

The Way We Roll Here in Costa Rica

Chirripo-a-Go-Go

One of the unforeseen consequences of being part of an unemployed couple sharing a tiny house in the mountains of Costa Rica......some days you just wake up, drink a cup of (awesome) coffee and then just stare at one another. Well last week, Jen had enough of that crap and was like "get outta my face midget" and I was like "uh, ok". A five day trip down to the southern part of CR to climb Cerro Chirripo would be the ticket. I loaded up to Tay-oter (all 300,000 miles of her) with my pack, sleeping bag, 8 tortillas and a hunk of salty cheese and was off. The trip was no problem for the truck and after 7 hours rolled into San Isidro sketch-ville (apparently, they steal your shoes there), still about two hours from the base of the mountain. Went and bought some food for the hike and knew this was not a place to be hanging around after dark as they had an armed guard in the Musmanni Bakery guarding that fucking precious day-old pan dulce.

The next day I headed up to tiny town of San Gerardo at the base of Chirripo. Checked into the dorm at Casa Mariposa and then headed out for an "acclimatization" hike at the nearby Cloudbridge Forest Preserve. My kind of place because 1) there's nobody there, 2) tons of birds, water and other cool shit and 3) entry by donation (or don't pay as you leave if you think it was lame). Very cool place and likewise for the town of San Geradro where you can only buy beers at the "Cafe Dura Roca" - Hard Rock Cafe, that is thankfully not part of the chain.


The next day I head out on the long, long, long slog up the mountain starting out at 4,500' to the mountain refuge at about 11,000 feet. Starts out in mid-elevation rainforest, transects cloud forest and ends up in the very dry "paramo", above tree line. On the way, again tons of birds, a pack of very big pecaries and a troop of Chapuchin monkeys. It's a hot climb almost all the way with a maddening buzzing of bugs around my face. Did not see a single snake even though everybody I talked to coming down said "watch out for the snakes".

Made it to the refuge in 7 hours or so - which, I must say, was a very miserable place to stay. They do not allow camping on the mountain, so I had no choice. The place is like a prison block with echo-y voices, clanking chains, slamming metal doors and it's COLD and damp. Ya, it's like how I imagine a prison.....a bad prison. Sharing my dorm room in the refuge sucked as well. I was there with an annoying German couple who were obsessed with speed climbing or some shit - bragging about how fast they climbed, blah blah blah......who gives a shit.....(had I known it was a race I probably would smoked both of your stupid asses).

The German chick had the nastiest smelling feet ever and the guy snored like a fucking freight train so I laid there all night in a stinky foot haze (I swear it glowed in the dark) while Freight Train probably dreamt of naked chicks covered in sergunschnitzel. Thankfully they were so gung-ho to get to the summit at sunrise, they left at 2:00 am - allowing me a couple of hours of peace.

I set out at 4:00 am, still pitch black I immediately ended up on the wrong trail "Sendero de los Leones" (the Lion Trail) - not a place I wanted to be at night and in an area known for lots of Pumas. When the sun came I saw, what I assumed to be, puma shit all over the place. great.

I finally met the German Freight Train and his chick on their way down just below the summit and was glad to hear they miscalculated the summit climb and had waited almost 2 hours in the freezing cold and dark for the sun to come up.

From the refuge to the summit is by far the coolest part of the hike, just because you are way above the clouds and (usually) there great views to both the Pacific Ocean and the Carri bean. The day I was up there, the only ocean I saw was an ocean of clouds about 3,000 feet below me - still, very cool though. It's "coldish" up at this elevation, but not as bad as some idiots made it seem. I mean, there was frost on some of the plants and I'm guessing it was in the low 40's. You should have seen some of the people though - full North Face down mountain suits, gloves, stupid hats......totally out of control. I'm thinking "dude, are you for real!" Really, a fleece jacket is plenty!


At 12,500 feet this is not a big mountain - even though it's the tallest in Costa Rica and the tallest between Guatemala and Colombia. The difficulty (just because of the 8'000 elevation gain) is maybe equivalent to doing back-to-back fourteeners in Colorado

Critcal Mash

December Random 10

Brian Eno - Err
Mogwai - Auto Rock
The Prids - Let it Go
Richard Hawley - Serious
Los Panchos - Algo Contigo
Pixies - Dig for Fire
Josef K - Fun n' Frenzy
The Avett Brothers - Hand me down Tune
The Go! Team - The Ice Storm
Lora Logic - Rather than Repeat

Training Day

Yesterday I decided to go out on one of Jen's training rides to see what the the hype was all about. My new shades prevented any bugs from going in my eyes - or hitting pretty much my entire body.

Since not many people own cars here in Costa Rica, you tend to pass a lot of them walking to town or wherever they are going. They always have some sort of words of encouragement for bikers, usually "duro" (strong) of just "buenas" (good day). Since you know that these people probably do not speak English you can add a little fun to your ride by messing with them. For instance, when I'm climbing a big hill and pass somebody walking and they say "duro! duro!" I like to say stuff like " thanks douche bag" or "how's it going butt wipe" or something like that. They will just smile.

You can't say stuff like "Hi asshole" or "how's it going fuck face" because most people know all the cuss words.....just like I know all the cuss words in Spanish.

Taco Review #17 - The Hillbilly Taco, Knoxville

On a recent trip to Hillbilly Country (Eastern Tennessee) Jen and I scoured the deep, sweaty, nasty,underbelly of the southeast in search of the ultimate Hillbilly Taco. Like the ones Mexicans eat at NASCAR tailgate parties. Well, I'm not sure what we were expecting to find like maybe a chitlin taco with Cheese Whiz sprinkled with some Copenhagen served up in a Dolly Parton boob-shaped platter? (Hmmmmm....boobies.....). Well, what we didn't expect to find was a couple of the most bad-ass tacos ever.

After stumbling around in Knoxville on a Sunday night we came across a place called "Soccer Taco". We almost passed the place just because of the incredibly dumb name........glad we didn't. We walk in and it's like a sports bar/taco stand place with all kinds of soccer shit hanging from the walls, big TV's, beer and TACOS. There is a football game on (REAL football) so we sit at the bar and I order it up........one carne asada and one al pastor. Bring it on Senior Billy Bob and none of that special "chaw" sauce!

This is one of those deals where you order some food even though you are not really hungry. We had just drank a bunch of beer and and ate a bunch of fried pickles (ya, no shit) down the road - so, really, the last thing I needed was tacos. Like when you're camping in the backcoutry or something - EVERYTHING tastes good. Hamburger Helper that was made without the hamburger and butter and then burned to the bottom of the pan......that shit is GOOD in the backcountry. Just the opposite for me that night, when you are already full and then a taco is staring you in the face.....chances are it's not going to be as good as if you came in just starving. Soccer Taco is doomed for a bad taco review.

Well Jethro, I gots one thing to say.....yee-fuckin'-haw!! Dems was da bes tacos I done had in many a long spell, prawlee da bes in Tennessee!

Homemade corn torts doubled and off-set up topped with the most kick ass tenderest meat ever. The veggie stuff was left in a little bowl on the side for casual application as needed - cilantro, onion, lime and salsa. The meats, both carne asasda and the pastor, were simply amazing. The torts were fresh and also amazing. There were no jalepenos to be seen - I could have asked but to make this dish perfect there would already be one there on the plate. After fried pickles, numerous beers and now two awesome tacos I was totally stuffed.....but still could have eaten more of those tacos.

The Review:

Carne: 4.8/5.0 (amazing)

Torts: 4.8/5.0 (amazing tambien)

Sides: 4.3/5.0 (could have used a jalepeno)

Total Sabor: 4.6/5.0

Atmospherico: 3.5/5.0 (really dumb name scares people away)

Total Score: 4.4/5.0 Gooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll!